This is hard work.

La gasp!!

I know that I'm mostly a retard when it comes to relationships. But, please, bear with me. I am honestly ridiculously shocked that we are having problems because of being apart. Seriously. Floored.

Now... there are two problems. 

One: breakdown of communication. SUPRISE!!!!! There is nothing ideal about our communication situation.

See, I had one of those crazy war-time fantasies that girls have, about how distance and longing would bring us closer together, how it would test our love and prove it to be sound.

Now, again we come to two problems. 

A: We are selfish. Not crazy selfish, just... human selfish. Like, 90% of the time we are awesomely selfless, but, underneath it all, we can't help being human.

B: We are different. 

Maybe these are really the top two problems people encounter in any relationship.. or maybe not. I dunno. Being selfish is a sin, one that God uses relationships to violently rip out of us. But I'd rather have my relationship brutalize my selfishness than my pride. Sucks to be me, I came into this thing with both... ANYWAY. Yeah, selfishness is no good, and it will most definitely destroy your partner and your relationship. If you're selfish, it isn't going to destroy you; it's got you right now. You just have to watch it set your life on fire.

On being different... this is not a problem, per se. But you knew that. You're savvy. You read relationship blogs. 

But for realz. Focus. It is not a problem to be different, but your glorious acceptance of the fact that you and your love are going to be different does not change the simple fact that it's secretly actually really hard to live with people that are different. Focus. Don't you dare let your brain go 'oh but it would just be so boring to be with someone who was just like me and I'm so happy that will never happen to me so I can have an exciting love life!!!' Because that is not the point. The point is, it is still hard to be with someone that is not like you. 

Example: I express my love to my boyfriend by bringing up problems between us. To me, that displays my intense desire for a strong love, untainted by small problems. To him... that's nit-picky. Oops. He displays his love to me by ignoring my character flaws. To him, this shows that those little goof-ups don't matter, my awesomeness or whatever just makes him blind to all of that stuff (if only if only...). To me, that seems like he doesn't care enough to try and fix problems.

I am not nit-picky, I swear. IswearIswearIswear. But, I do want these little things dealt with before they turn into big things. And he DOES care about our relationship. We are happy any we love each other. Yay for us.

More on this later. Goodnight!